Harry Potter And The Canabalsitc Flamingos
by Pole-Dancer
Summary: Insane. Part of the 'Harry Potter's Parrallel Universe' series. Harry gets a taste for flamingo meat...


Harry Potter And The Cannibalistic Flamingos  
  
Harry Potter was a highly usual boy in many ways. For one thing, he loved to eat prunes for breakfast and he hated cereal for desert. Anyway, one day this 'Harry Potter' chap decided to would be a fantastic idea to create G.M. Flamingos and turn them into burgers.  
  
"What a great money-making scam!" commented his 'friend' Ron Weasly. Inspired by his passion for the idea Harry immediately proceeded to the zoo where upon he stole 32 flamingos before any one noticed. He caged the poor birds and drove them back on his magic flying unicycle. When he arrived at Hogwarts he found -to his surprise- that Ron had built a cage for them out of twigs. Hermione opened the cage and the birds ran out, immediately trampling the twig cage to dust as they did so. The three began to feed the flamingos food that they believed would make them big- and tasty. Candy Floss was given to keep their pink, Coco-puffs to make them taste nice and wood for fibre.  
  
"Tree's grow big! So feeding them wood is a double whammy!" commented Hermione. Three days later all the flamingos looked very ill. Harry suspected they were on drugs until one of them (Jimmy Hendrix) looked at another (Kurt Cobain) and Harry saw hunger in his eyes. Hendrix ran after Cobain and pecked him until he fell to the ground.  
  
"Nooooooooo!" yelled Harry as he finally undid the lock on the cage and ran to his fallen flamingo. He threw himself over the dead body and sobbed. But Jimmy wanted more. He had tasted blood and wanted more. Thanks to the wood he was strong and picked up Harry and flung him across the flat pack IKEA flamingo cage. To Harry's shock Hendrix began to eat Kurt. Then, a light began to dawn on Harry; he had made the flamingos too tasty. He hastily glued the flat pack cage with 'No More Nails' superglue and ran off to tell Hermione the bad news.  
  
"Hermione! Ron! I need to tell you something!" yelled Harry at the bedroom where strange sounds (assumedly Ron and Hermione's) were coming from the closed window. A rather flustered Hermione head appeared at the window.  
  
"WHAT? I'm BUSY! Can't you SEE?" she screamed, indicating to a seriously horny Ron behind her.  
  
"Y'know the flamingos.."  
  
"YEAH! SO WHAT?"  
  
"I think they are cannibalistic."  
  
" Shit." Exclaimed Ron, "What are we going to do?"  
  
"I don't know.." Said Hermione and Harry at the same time.  
  
"JINKS! 1 2 3!!" yelled Hermione, "Ha-ha! You can't speak! You can't speak!" She stared to dance and wave her arms, "You can't speak! You can't speak!" Harry's eye twitched in irritation.  
  
"Look, why do you think they are eating each other?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged.  
  
"C'mon Harry, you must have some ideas."  
  
Harry motioned to his mouth, and made a rude and gesture at Hermione.  
  
"Oooooooh! I see." Said Ron curiously, "Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Harry Pot..Pot..Pot..head!" Harry stuck two fingers up at Ron.  
  
"It's Harry POTTER, and besides," commented Hermione, brushing back her hair, "It only works if I say his name.so don't get any ideas!"  
  
"Stuff that." Said Harry. "Anyway, the flamingos are eating each other!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I think we made them look to tasty."  
  
"Try feeding them..brown M&M's.then they'll look totally gross, and no-one will touch them."  
  
Quacked Hermione, before shutting the door and continuing to make out with Ron.  
  
Harry was doubtful Hermione's advice would work.but it was worth a try. So, he ate all the candy floss, and decided to set fire to something. Then, Jimmy Hendix walked past. The REAL Jimmy Hendrix, not the flamingo, Harry saw him and squealed-  
  
"Jimmy! Jimmy! Help! HELP! My pet flamingos that I stole from a zoo and tried to feed wood and candyfloss and coco-puffs to try and sell on the black market as burgers are so tasty they are eating each other! Help me!" but then he realised that Jimmy Hendrix was dead. And his eyes fell upon Jimmy Hendrix the flamingo. Harry lit a match. Harry flung the match. Harry missed. So he lit another one and set the flamingo on fire. After it had died its slow and painful death, Harry grabbed some meat, and ate it.  
  
"Hmmm..not bad!" he thought. "What the hey!" he then brandished his cork- gun, and killed all the flamingos. Which he turned into burgers and sold on the black market. So he achieved his dream. The end. 


End file.
